Did You Really Feel Bad?

"Did you really feel that bad?"

It was a question my father-in-law (ever the skeptic) asked me when he first heard about the things I no longer ate and how much better it made me feel.

I was a few months into my new lifestyle and my answer was: "I didn't know how bad I felt until I started to feel good."

Saying that reminded me of when one of friends got glasses sophomore year of high school. She said to me, "I didn't know how badly I couldn't see until I could see."

"How could you not know you couldn't see?" I said to her with much incredulity.

I thought she was crazy, but actually what she said made total sense. If everything you see is blurry or a little fuzzy around the edges, you don't notice anything is wrong. How could you? You have nothing to compare it to.  You don't know that there is any other way you could, or should, see.

The same is true for how I felt after I ate and pretty much how I felt all the time. If all I ever felt was ick, or gross, or tired, why would it ever occur to me that I could feel any other way? I wasn't sick. I was normal. After all, everyone feels that way after they eat, right?

Wrong!

It never occurred to me that I could feel fueled and energized, that I could be satisfied without feeling stuffed. Before I changed the way I ate, I can't tell you how many times in a day I would say, "I don't feel good." So much so that I was getting annoyed with myself and had to lovingly, yet firmly, tell me to "just shut up about it already!"

I never went to a doctor about the way I felt, because although I didn't feel good, I didn't really feel bad either. I didn't have raging headaches, or an irritated stomach. There was no way I could have told a doctor what, exactly, was wrong, I just know I didn't feel right.

I think the scientific term for how I felt is blah.

Just like in my last post where I mentioned my acceptance of a slowing metabolism and aching joints, I accepted feeling blah too. I accepted it because I didn't know there was any other way to feel.

But there were other things going on too. Things that weren't just "not good," but were downright bad. Things I would have loved to have changed or improved, but had pretty much given up all hope that they ever would be.

Things like...

Anxiety

Depression

and...THE PERIOD FROM HELL.

I'll start with THE PERIOD FROM HELL, because while it is the most physically painful of the three, it is the easiest to talk about.

My periods have always been awful. They would last for 10 days and be totally irregular. I would duck  my head in shame every time the gynecologist would give a disapproving eye when I couldn't provide her the date of my last period. I wanted to shout, "It doesn't matter if I did know the date of my last period! It won't give you any indication of when my next one will be!"

Eventually, they stopped lasting for two business weeks, and by my mid-twenties I could predict, almost down to the hour, when it would start each month. But one thing that never changed was the cramps. They have always been bad. The older I got, they worse they got.

I started to feel like my period was controlling my life.

It affected my work. I spent 45 minutes in the fetal position on the floor of the bathroom at work one day, waiting for someone to come look for me. Every time I tried to stand up and make my way back to my desk, my vision went dark and I nearly passed out. Eventually, I made my way to a coworker and she drove my home while I clutched a garbage can between my legs to catch the vomit.

It affected my personal life. Every vacation, outing, trip and activity revolved around whether I would have my period. "You want to go on the boat when? Sorry, I'll be busy rolling on the bathroom floor, moaning and puking that day."

It affected my family's life. My mom, who lives an hour and a half away, had to take a day off of work to come take care of me. Did you catch that? My mom had to miss work to take care of her 27 year old daughter because she was on her period. Does this sound ludicrous to anyone else?

As I mentioned in my last post, when I changed my diet I did so for the long-term benefits, I never imagined it could do anything to help my period now (or ever, for that matter).

I guess this would be a good time to tell you what my diet change included: no processed foods, no wheat, no refined sugar, and very limited dairy. I didn't cut everything all at once. In future posts, I'll tell you about my process and what did and didn't work for me.

I can't remember if my period started getting better the first month into my diet change, or the second. Maybe it was the third. I just remember one day I was like, "Hallelujah! I don't feel like I'm giving birth to a baby elephant!" Not only did I not have horrible cramps, but I hardly had any pain at all. I did not attribute that to my diet. I thought I just got lucky, and I braced myself for next month, which was sure to be twice as bad since I had gotten off so easy this month.

But then next month rolled around, and it was the same thing. No pain. The next month came, and the next after that, and the month after that. Same thing. NO PAIN. Finally I was like, "Wait a minute... Could it be my diet? Yes, yes I think so!"

If the only benefit of cutting processed foods, wheat, and sugar was pain-free periods, I would still eat this way. It's all the motivation I need. It is so freeing to not have your life controlled by your stupid menstrual cycle.

Oh, and all those things that come with your period like sore boobs, bloating, and mood swings that make your husband hide under the bed for days? They're either gone (no more sore boobs) or greatly diminished (if I consume a lot of sodium during the month, I still bloat, and I still have highs and lows, but not as extreme as before).

And just in case I had any doubts that what I eat directly impacts how I feel on my period...if I eat just the smallest bit of wheat or refined sugar, helloooooo cramps!

So, if you were to ask me today, a year into my new lifestyle, "Did you really feel that bad?" my answer would be slightly modified: "Oh hell yes I felt bad! And I never want to go back to feeling that way again."

Riley is pretty excited I no longer have painful periods. Or maybe he's just happy to be at the beach.

This post has gotten a little long so I'll talk about  my anxiety and depression (fun times!) in the next one.